Making Internetz more secure

Thooday I got a call from Jason.

Jason had a prominent Indian accent and I thought to myself that Jason is most likely not his real name.

Jason then told me:

Your internet is not secure and your IP has been accessed from many people from multiple countries.

I go:

noooooooo I needs my internetz

And he goes:

Yes, your internet is not secure. Are you in front of a computer?


can you go into your google chrome?

Chrome what?

you don’t have google chrome?


What browser do you have?

What is browser?

what do you use to go to your internet?


ok, it is an android TV right?


You have internet on your tv and it’s not an android tv?


Then you are a sourcerer as this is some magic!

What do you do with your internet?

what do you mean?

Do you have any apps like netfilx?



How do you do your banking? on your phone, computer?

I always go to the bank.

And how much money do you have in the bank right now?

I got paid on Friday so I probably have like $300.

how far are you from your bank?

IDK like 10-20 blocks.

How long will it take you to get dressed?

Probably 5-10 minutes.

Ok you need to go to the bank because you need to pay me $200 to upgrade your netflix. You will get more movies. I will upgrade your netflix to the newer version.

Get dressed and stay with me on the call.



So I left my phone on thinking he’ll get bored, but then after 55 minutes he was still on the line . I’m like I don’t wanna talk to him anymore but then again I don’t want him to talk to some poor guy that only has $300 either.

Ok I’m back from the bank I have the $200, now what?

Ok, how far is your nearest wallmart?

IDK, there’s no Wallmart around here.

How far are you from a target store?

A target what?

Do you know what a target store is?


Do you know what a wallmart store is?


Do you have a CVS pharmacy around?


You need to go there and buy 2 $100 apple gift cards.


You need to go there and buy 2 $100 target gift cards.


Stay with me on the call and go get the gift cards

And he lasted another 40 minutes, gotta give it to him, guy has stamina